a n a

i honeslty think sometimes how the fuck i got here how i got so messed up along the way. but truth is ive been like this ever since i can remeber. I cant help feeling what i do. Dont get me wrong i was a normal child had a great family loving mom hard working dad devoted to his family and a lil bro i didnt have it so bad growing up but ive always felt less always felt like whatever i do will never be enough. i dont understand why people see the things they do in me... all i see is this fat girl who dosent seem to be good enough for you.. i wish i could sit down and eat but reality is that i cant i cant enjoy the taste of food. the taste of failure will linger on my toungue if i dare eat...i feel weak and light all the time but i wouldnt have it anyother way i have turned my body into what I WANT I HAVE CONTROL. And nothing taste better then being able to control what and when you eat.. Oh how i love it... im loving you ana. youve made me strong. and if i have to die by your side is how i want to go.