a n a

i honeslty think sometimes how the fuck i got here how i got so messed up along the way. but truth is ive been like this ever since i can remeber. I cant help feeling what i do. Dont get me wrong i was a normal child had a great family loving mom hard working dad devoted to his family and a lil bro i didnt have it so bad growing up but ive always felt less always felt like whatever i do will never be enough. i dont understand why people see the things they do in me... all i see is this fat girl who dosent seem to be good enough for you.. i wish i could sit down and eat but reality is that i cant i cant enjoy the taste of food. the taste of failure will linger on my toungue if i dare eat...i feel weak and light all the time but i wouldnt have it anyother way i have turned my body into what I WANT I HAVE CONTROL. And nothing taste better then being able to control what and when you eat.. Oh how i love it... im loving you ana. youve made me strong. and if i have to die by your side is how i want to go.

and its beacuse the words you have spoken to me

its beacuse you cant see beyond what society thinks of you

its beacuse you so wrapped up in your perfect wrold you dont see the damage it has done to me

its because you look but never truly see

its because you tend to judge before you get to know

its because of how you live my life for me

its because you mind dosent let you be free

youve cut me open so slowy unable to feel at all anymore

dont blame me

you did this

so here i am not being able to sleep the thoughts of what i shoved down my throat seem to replay over and over in m head i want to stop but i cant im addicted to this feeling im addicted to being thin. i let loose for 3 days and now i have this guilt hanging over my head it consumes my every thought my every second. but i need her i need ana in my life she makes me stronger and better she makes me thin and beautiful.. so thin that no one wants to hurt me so fragile, so light, she is my protection...

i can no longer look at myself in the mirror naked i am ashmamed of what i am all that fat that hangs off me how can anyone possibly want you like this? i need to do something quick i cannot stand the sight of my self anymore

i dont need food to survie i am stronger then food i control what goes in my body i decide my own fate i refuse to be a fat pig.. i need to start now and i WILL overcome this

i know its alot of work but i can do this... i am strong...